When the Life I Planned Changed

Who am I today? That is a very good question, because I look a lot different to who I was only three years ago. My story is one of many, but it’s one I hope gives other women the belief that life is what you make it and that you can decide who you want to become.

My 20’s started as a single mum to the most beautiful boy, and I was later blessed with two more sons. These boys,  now men  are the most precious and uplifting gifts I could ever ask for.

I married a man I thought was my person, the man of my dreams, you could say. I felt like I had literally created my perfect person, and together we built a great life. You know the song Landslide and that feeling of climbing a mountain and then turning around? That is exactly what happened to me.

We raised our kids, moved away for my husband’s work, built a community and created what felt like our dream life. We travelled, had a beautiful home, great kids, lots of sport, activities and all the busyness that comes with raising a family. You know the drill.

When Everything Changed

When our youngest son was in Year 12, we had been working towards our dream retirement home the place where we imagined we would enjoy life and get to know each other again as adults, rather than simply Mum and Dad.

We did it. We got there.

Three months later, my husband told me he wasn’t happy.

At first, I thought he meant he wasn’t happy with his work. I told him he should try something new, chill out and work out what would make him happy. As it turned out, he wanted to leave me.

Within weeks, he had decided he was moving out. He came to me with a spreadsheet listing every item we owned, a dollar value beside it and how we would divide up 25 years of being together.

I was broken. Devastated doesn’t really begin to describe it. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t think. I had no idea where I would go or how I was going to support myself and the two children who were still living at home.

And just like that, one story ended and another began.

Finding the Fire Within

I had my health and wellness business, but that wasn’t going to get me a home loan. I worked part-time as a casual in retail, but that still wasn’t enough. So I took a third job and worked nights to increase my chances of securing a loan and buying a forever home for my boys and me.

My boys were 17 and 21 at this stage. They had the opportunity to move out and begin their own lives, but they wanted us to stay together.

So, as a mum, you find the fire within to make that happen.

For eight months, I worked from 5am until 10pm most days. With a lot of help from an amazing broker, I finally got my loan, bought my home and sold our existing home.

It was huge.

But it also broke me. I wasn’t only trying to deal with the end of my marriage. I was trying to understand that the man I thought would be my forever didn’t love me anymore and didn’t want to spend the next part of his life with me.

For the first time since I was a teenager, I was alone.

I was in my 50s and lost.

What comes next?

Bali — And Finding My Way Back to Me

I decided to take myself to my safe space, Bali and start rebuilding me. I needed to work out who I wanted to be next and how I wanted to live the next chapter of my life.

I was scared. I was humiliated. I was sad. But I have always believed that we are stronger than we realise and that the universe has a way of leading us where we are meant to be. So I decided to trust that.

On New Year’s Eve, I boarded a plane. I needed to start the new year somewhere new and see where I might end up.

I began in Ubud, which felt like a safe zone for me. I went to yoga, meditation and sound healing and began trying to regulate my nervous system again. I felt as though I had been living in fight-or-flight mode for so long that I needed to learn how to breathe again.

The irony wasn’t lost on me. This was exactly what I had been teaching women for more than a decade find your passion, remember who you are and breathe. It seemed the universe had put me in a position where I finally had to walk my own talk.

I had a decision to make.

One day at a time. One breath at a time.

Each day, I grew stronger. I started enjoying my own company. I began remembering the things I enjoyed and the hopes and dreams I’d had before I became a mum and a wife.

Don’t get me wrong I loved the school years, the sport, the extra activities and managing a home. When you really think about everything we do, mums are amazing and incredibly skilled.

But my boys had grown up. They had their own lives and beautiful girlfriends, and suddenly I had the freedom to ask myself something I hadn’t needed to ask for a very long time.

What do I want?

Who Am I Becoming?

Ultimately, my dream is to live and work remotely from Bali, and I will continue moving towards that goal. Right now, I have a great job and a lovely home on the Sunshine Coast, and each day I feel a little closer to creating that next chapter.

What I want other women to know is that you can do this too.

If life is hard right now, find a breath. Stop. Pause. Start thinking about what you really want from this life and write it down. Don’t worry yet about exactly how it’s going to happen.

Believe.

Keep looking forward. Put affirmations somewhere you’ll see them every day. Read them. Say them aloud. Be grateful for what you do have rather than allowing everything you don’t have to consume your thoughts.

Three years ago, I couldn’t imagine the woman I would be today.

The future I had planned disappeared, and for a while I thought I’d lost myself along with it.

But perhaps I wasn’t losing myself at all.

Perhaps I was being given the opportunity to find her again.

So, just for today, remember this:

You have it in you.

You can become anything you want.

Believe in yourself.

Andrea xx