Everyone’s divorce story is different. Everyone’s coping mechanism differ from one another. But the one common denominator in these stories is the emotional wallop almost everyone experienced. If you are experiencing divorce right now. My heart goes out to you. I know the heart rending pain it could bring. I know about divorce. I am a divorcee too.
My ex and I had trouble synchronising. We just didn’t mesh. We just didn’t fit. As hard as I tried to deny it, my marriage was irreparable. Divorce was inevitable. Despite the widespread familiarity of the effects of divorce however, it didn’t prepare me nor helped minimised the onslaught of pain and grief. I was devastated. Faced with depth and breadth of the loss of my hopes and dreams is probably one of the most challenging aspects of my humanity. My world reeled.
Life has just thrown me a curve ball and I had no choice but to accept it. My world collapsed all around me as the process unfolded. I was in such a low ebb as it launched me into uncharted territory and disrupted my very identity. I found myself going through the motion as I struggled to create a comforting sense of structure and normalcy in my life. I dragged myself to work to
maintain a semblance of life order.
It was tough but I need to do it for my little one and to maintain my sanity. I exhausted myself physically. I tired myself so
strongly that at the end of the day I had no more energy left to think about my worries. I allowed myself to freely mourn my loss. I sobbed away my pain, but jealously guarded my thoughts. I know a certain amount of anger and bitterness is justified, but I didn’t let it beat me up. I didn’t want to get stuck in anger. I didn’t hold a grudge thinking that, why should I – while I am being angry, the other person is out there partying! I forced myself to stop playing and replaying scenes from the split which I was wont to do during the first few weeks.
I tried to slam a door in my mind every time an inner voice would pester me with what ifs and & if only’s. It became like a game of mind over matter to me. It was a tall order but I eventually forced myself to do it. Through the haze of pain and even at my lowest, I tried to maintain my faith that, “there is always light at the end of the tunnel”, faith that, “this too will pass”. I kept repeating these beliefs and it eventually became my mantra.The empowering repetition of my mantra helped reinforced my belief that there is indeed a silver lining somewhere in all these darkness.
It has helped sustained me. In hindsight, I don’t think I would ever get to where I am now though, without God and my healthy, strong support system composed of Jean my boss, my family and friends. As divorced rocked my life, I sought solace in God. Jean, my family and my friends became my anchor. But even as I struggled to rise out of my slough of respond and tried to
stay afloat , I never lost of the possibilities ahead.
I am confident that I am a veritable tough girl. I can do it. I tried to get a grip on myself and promised that I will rebound from divorce. That, I will never allow myself to fall in the wayside nor crumble under the weight of the transition. I pulled myself into the moment as I slowly psyched myself into recovery, made myself adapt into my new singledom and tried to live in the present. Slowly, I regained control of my life and developed a positive mindset. I began my personal transformation too as I
committed to fully own my humanity.
Compared to most people i know I am pretty slack on the exercising front. But with my renewed psyche, going to the gym became easy and fun. I went on a diet. Had my hair colour changed and went on a shopping spree. I dated. Yes, I dated. LOL.I felt good about myself. And as I stirred myself towards rebuilding my world, i felt that had finally regained possession and control of myself and my destiny.
My divorce was recently this year. I felt twinges of regrets for what might have been but I felt a greater sense of pride in what I had accomplished in so short a time. Today, I am still a full-time nurse but I also rediscovered and have reconnected with passions I have set aside. I went back to modelling and professional singing and became a bona fide radio broadcaster of 4EB, a digital radio broadcasting.
Early this year I joined a TV Reality and Modelling Competition which paved the way to my representing Australia in the Ms.Megaverse Competition at the Dominican Republic this coming December. On top of these I am now the Marketing Executive of Ms. Earth Australia. I am by no means in my final destination but I know I am in a good place. My journey was not easy but it was a wonderful learning and unlearning experience.
Life is beautiful!!!
About the Author
Joie Serrano is a single mum with a beautiful daughter, she has been divorced for 2 years now.